Thinking Of You
by AVPC
Summary: Jade and Cat have deep feelings for each other, but why are they hiding them from one another? Jade lives in fear and sorrow while Cat is turning into someone she doesn't recognise. They need each other more than they think when dramatic events take place in each of their lives. Who will crumble? Who will break? Can they work through it all or will things take a turn for the worse?
1. Chapter One - Follow Me

Chapter One – Follow Me

The bell rings signalling the end of the school day. The whole day I have been on edge, snapping at anyone who got too close. Beck and Tori are going on a camping trip to celebrate their six-month anniversary, which wouldn't be so terrible if Tori hadn't waffled on about it all day long.

"So, Jade… do you have any plans for the weekend?" Cat asks, slightly puffed after catching up to me and skipping beside me as I walk out to my car.

"No, I'm not going on a romantic camping trip for one." I reply in a harsher tone than I meant. A slightly shocked expression flashes by Cat's face but turns soft as I realise I look angrier than I am and give her a small smile.

"Would you like to come to the beach with me tomorrow? I have a beach umbrella so you don't have to be in the sun." Cat offers with her naturally sweet voice and soft expression. I can't help but smile bigger as I realise that she is trying to make me feel better about the whole Beck and Tori thing… and the beach umbrella, she knows me so well.

"I think that would be really nice Cat." I reply looking down into her big brown eyes.

"Yay! We're Going to have so much fun!" Cat squeals as her arms whip me into a tight hug. "I'll text you in the morning." She adds as she releases me from her embrace and skips off to her car.

My phone wakes me the next morning as it buzzes against my bedside table, flashing Cat's name on the screen.

"Hey Cat."

"Hi! I'll pick you up in five minutes."

"Okay… what time is it?" I ask, rubbing my eyes.

"It's 6.00am, gotta go, see you in five."

Before I can protest going to the beach at this unholy hour of the morning Cat is already on her way. I scramble out of bed and shove a black bikini on from my drawer filled with various styles of black and grey swimwear. I rush around grabbing the things I need, just as I pop the sunscreen in my bag the doorbell rings. As I open the door Cat flings her arms around me causing me to stumble back a few steps and laugh.

"Good morning Jadey!" Cat squeaks

"Why are we going so early?" I ask as she steps back from hugging me.

"Because it's so peaceful in the morning." Cat explains while she grabs my hand and leads me to her car. "And I brought you some coffee." She adds as she opens the door and points to a tall cup in the centre cup holder. My eyes finally open for the first time this morning at the sight of it.

"Black?"

"Yes."

"Honey instead of sugar?"

"Yes."

"Double shot?"

"Yes!" Cat laughs.

"Mmm… You are an angel." I say as I take a sip.

Ten minutes later we are on the sand, lying on our towels underneath Cat's spotty, bright pink beach umbrella. Cat has also packed sandwiches, juice and her polaroid camera. She is so cute and thoughtful, how have I been so lucky to have her as my best friend for all of these years?

I look over at Cat lying peacefully, humming to herself, her beauty is truly astounding. The smooth curves of her body, all in the right places. Her innocent dimples and rosy cheeks. Her bright, long flowing hair. She is one of a kind, I've always admired her for everything she is. But now I am beginning to wonder if there's something more to the feelings I have for my close friend.

"Let's go in the water." Cat pipes up cheerily, tugging on my sunblock-drenched hand. I let out a small groan as I stand up and let her lead me to the shore.

"Cat…what are you doing!?" I ask holding in my laughter at Cat's attempts to jump over the breaks in the waves.

"It's fun Jade, come on." Cat giggles as she grabs my hand and pulls it above her head with each jump.

"No." I bluntly say, although I found myself smiling at how something so simple could bring her so much joy. _Oh, what the heck_ I think and join in with Cat's uncoordinated jumping. Suddenly a big wave comes with a strong force and as we both jump we are swept off our feet and tumble head-over-heels back to the shore. Cat ends up lying on top of me, both of us have been laughing hysterically from the moment the wave hit. My laughter slows as I look up at Cat, her eyes filled with so much joy and her dimples caused by her grin. Cat's laughter calms as she looks into my eyes and smiles softly. Something inside me sparks and I find myself unable to tear my eyes away from Cat's.

"Oh, sorry Jade, I'm crushing you." Cat says as she rolls off of me and sits in the damp sand.

"You could never crush me Cat, you're tiny!" I laugh.

"I told you it would be fun." Cat says, looking to me for confirmation.

I nod and smile back at her. "Yeah, I have to admit, it was pretty fun."

Cat grins again. I think about returning the favour to Cat. "Do you want to go on an adventure?"

Cat's eyes widen as she nods her head.

"Okay, let's go then." I stand and hold my hand out for her.

"I want to bring my camera, hang on." Cat says as she runs off to fetch her polaroid camera. "Can we skip on the way?" Cat asks.

"I don't skip." I reply, walking along the shore. Cat shrugs and skips off ahead of me. I smile wondering how she can be so energetic and joyful all of the time. I run up behind her and pinch her sides playfully before running ahead of her.

"Ahh, you surprise tickled me!" Cat cries as she tries to catch up to me and do the same, we both can't stop laughing. Slightly puffed we slow down as we reach a rock cliff with narrow stairs winding their way up to the top. "Ooh I've never been here before Jadey!" Cat announces, eyes glistening.

"Well that makes it all the more exciting." I reply. "Come on, follow me." I say as I grab her hand and lead her up the stairs. It doesn't take long for us to reach the top. "Turn around." I say, pointing to a breath-taking view of the beach.

"I never knew the ocean had so many different blues." Cat gasps as she looks out over the depths.

I smile at Cat's statement, while she keeps admiring the view I can't tear my eyes away from her, intrigued by how much beauty she finds in everything. I have always held a soft spot for Cat, she is so innocent, passionate and joyful. She always shrugs off my outbursts of anger and my negative moods diminish when she's around me. I'm snapped out of my trance when I notice Cat's arms embrace me into a soft hug.

"Thank you for this Jadey." She says smiling up at me. I hug her back without tearing my eyes away from hers.

"No, thank you for brightening my day that I thought was going to be below average before you invited me here." She nestles her head into my shoulder.

"Any time Jadey."

"Come on there's one more thing I want to show you." I say as I pull away and grab Cat's hand.

"Oh today is just the best." Cat squeals in excitement. I lead Cat across the top of the cliff, through some trees to a small rock structured cave.

"This is where I come sometimes to think or when I need ideas for a song." I say as we sit down side by side in the snug interior of the cave.

"Let's take a picture!" Cat squeals excitedly as she pulls me closer and holds out the camera in front of our faces. "We have to put it in a dark place before we can look at it." Cat explains as she tucks it into her camera case. "Let's take another one so we can both keep one." After tucking the second photograph into the case we just sit for a few moments in comfortable silence.

"I love it, it's very peaceful." Cat pipes up.

"I'm glad you like it so much." I reply.

I raise an eyebrow thinking if Cat would ever seek such solace. Her eyes are wondering over the walls as her hands feel the smooth versus rough. She's even in awe of rocks. She turns her head to me and notices me staring. She smiles slowly, after a second she leans in without hesitation and softly presses her lips to mine. I freeze but press mine back into hers. We slowly break apart and consider one another's eyes. Her hand reaches out and gently cups my cheek.

"I love you Jade." Cat whispers. Surprise overtakes my thoughts as I just stare back at her, dumbfounded. My heart melts at her words but my head is disconnected. I want to say it back, I want to kiss those soft lips again, to spend every moment with her pure spirit. But I can't, what would my mother say, how would she react? She would be so against it all. I don't want to hurt Cat but I don't know what I'm supposed to do right now.

"Cat… you know I can't…" I begin, but Cat doesn't let me continue as she takes her hand away from my cheek.

"I know." She says in a barely audible voice, looking down at the hands in her lap.

"I'm sorry Cat." I feel so conflicted as these words escape my mouth, but there is nothing I can do. I do reciprocate Cat's feelings. I do love her. But it just can't be.

"It's okay Jadey." Cat says as she looks back at me with a small smile. I smile back, glad she isn't devastated. I hope.

I spend the rest of the weekend doing homework and chores around the house. I find myself thinking about Cat, unable to think of much else. I wish I could be with her, but there is no way of knowing what my Mother would do to me. Once when I was five she slapped me across the face and sent me to bed without dinner all because I asked if a girl could be in love with another girl. Since then her temper has worsened, as my father was killed in a car accident and she turned to alcohol. I wouldn't want Cat to be caught up in any of this either.

On Monday morning, I walk into school looking for Cat so we can have our morning hug. She is standing with the rest of the gang telling some sort of story as everyone is listening intently.

"Hey guys, what are you talking about Cat?" I ask as everyone acknowledges my arrival.

"Cat's got a boyfriend!" Tori says in a teasing tone.

"What!?" I half scream and realise a little late the harshness of my tone as everyone jumps and looks at me.

"Yeah, his name is Chad, we met at the ice-cream parlour." Cat explains in an un-phased bubbly tone.

Andre asks another question as I zone out of the conversation, totally confused. What about the cave? The kiss? She told me she loved me. I frown at the ground until the bell rings for class. For the rest of the day I am in one of my typical _Don't touch me, don't talk to me_ snappy moods. As the bell rings to go home I approach Cat as she is grabbing her books from her locker and stuffing them into her bag.

"Hey Cat can we go get ice-cream and talk or something?" I ask in a nicer voice than the one I've used all day since discovering Cat's news.

"I gotta go, sorry Jadey. I already made plans with Chad." Cat says not looking up from her bag.

"Oh, yeah… ofcourse." I reply trying not to sound hurt.

"Maybe some other time." She says, looking up at me with a small smile for a split second before turning and skipping out of the school doors.


	2. Chapter Two - Don't Ignore Me, But Do

CAT POV

"Come stay at mine tonight." Chad says sliding his empty ice-cream cup to the side and placing a hand on my knee.

"Don't you think it's a little... soon, to be staying over?" I ask in between mouthfuls of bubble-gum ice-cream.  
"Mmm I guess you are right baby." Chad replies squeezing my knee. "Will you come on the weekend?"  
"Sure." I say with a small smile. Although I know that by this weekend I will have Jade coming back to me telling me she was wrong. Surely, she feels something for me, right? Anyway, I am not looking for a sexual relationship at this point in my life. I'm not ready, and especially not as soon as Chad wants in this relationship, we only met two days ago. I know I'm sort of using Chad and that's a terrible thing to do, but Chad is using me too. I know that doesn't make it right but I know all he wants from me is sex. He's made several hints since the second we laid eyes on each other.

JADE POV

I storm into my house and slam the door behind me.  
"I don't understand!" I scream as I lean back against the door.  
"Not so loud." My mother says groggily stumbling into the hallway entrance. As usual she's been drinking. "Why are you so mad?"  
"As if you care." I scoff, walking past her into the kitchen.  
"Don't talk to your mother like that." I spin on my heel to face an unfamiliar man, equally as intoxicated as my mother.  
"Who the fuck are you?" I ask totally shocked at the sight.  
"I'm Mick, and you should show some respect." Mick says stepping closer towards me.  
"You can't just waltz in here and start telling me what to do, who do you think you are?" I ask feeling the anger rise inside me.  
Suddenly Mick's hand grabs my shoulder and he pushes me against the wall.

"Your mother and I are dating, I'm going to be living here. You will do what I tell you to do, or you'll pay for it. Do you understand me?" Mick says as his grip on my shoulder tightens, his voice low and angry.  
"You're hurting me!" I let out.  
"Answer me!" Mick yells.  
"I understand." I gasp, hoping for mercy.  
Mick lets go and grabs a beer before strolling into the living room like nothing happened. Tears silently run down my face as I slide down the wall and sit hugging my knees to my chest. This is just great. Now not one, but two alcoholics live in my house. From what I've just experienced, Mick's temper is a lot worse than my mother's, he's much bigger and forceful too. I'll just have to deal with this, tip-toe around them and keep out of the way. I need to stop acting like a sissy. I wipe my tears while standing up and running up to my room. I'll get dinner when they've passed out. I lie on my bed and think about Cat. Would she be doing all this to get my attention? Or maybe I'm reading into it too much. Is the boyfriend ice-cream date all an act? Is he even real? I need to know. I have to tell her. I can make this work, my mother would never have to know, she doesn't pay much attention to me anyway. Now that Mick's here she will probably be extra distracted. Wow, possibly the only positive thing about Mick ever. Okay first thing tomorrow, I must tell Cat that I'm in love with her and have been for longer than I even realised.

CAT POV

I wave goodbye to Chad as he drives off after dropping me at home.  
"Hi mum, hi Dad! I say as I skip inside and give each of them a hug.  
"Hello Cat, how was school?" My mother asks gesturing for me to sit down in the living room. I sit in my usual spot, a giant purple bean bag in the corner.  
"School was good, Sikowitz threw his coconut at Rex." I say cheerily.  
"Oh, that's good honey." my father says beaming back at me.  
"How is your friend?" My mother asks.  
"Jade?"  
"Yes, you said she was sad last week so you went and had some fun at the beach." She replies.  
"Oh, she's good." I say avoiding eye contact.  
"Oh good, I'm so glad you're such a thoughtful friend for your peers." My mother says as she walks off into the kitchen to start on dinner. I suddenly feel a big pile of guilt crash onto my chest. How could I do this to Jade?  
"I'll be in my room; would you please call me when dinner is ready?" I say quickly as I rise from the bean bag and rush off to my room. Okay, tomorrow I need to tell Jade the truth and end all this nonsense. I will tell her why I've done all this and she will say she does have feelings for me after all and everything will be all better.

No. What if I am wrong? What if my instincts that told me she does have feelings for me are crazy? I am crazy! Ofcourse she doesn't reciprocate the feelings I have for her. I've been blinded by my own stupidity. I'm so in love with her that I've failed to see that she might not love me back. Tears well up in my eyes as the sudden rejection hits me. Why did this have to happen? Why did I have to fall in love with someone who could never love me back. Why couldn't I just stop at being a good friend. Why can't people control their feelings? You just end up one day totally infatuated with someone. I wipe the remainder of my tears. Okay, new plan. Steer clear of Jade. I don't want to confuse her anymore. I don't want to hurt her, I want to move on from my feelings for her and this is for the best.

JADE POV

When I wake up I realise I fell asleep worrying about today and forgot to have dinner. As I am walking out of the front door I realise my mother and Mick are in the living room, they must have passed out there.  
I arrive at school and I know that I must talk to Cat, I can't put it off, it's now or never. As I walk over to my locker to drop off my books I notice Cat is over by herself at her locker. Perfect opportunity.  
"Hey Cat, can we talk?" I ask as I arrive at her locker.  
"Not right now, I... uh, have to go to the bathroom." Cat replies turning towards the bathrooms.  
"Oh, I'll come too." I say, thinking we can talk in there.  
"No! Um, I like to go alone." Cat says as she steps away from me and turns again.  
"Oh, sure." Confused, I accept Cat's unusual statement and walk off to class.

When the bell rings Cat walks in to class and glances over at me, since Beck and I broke up Cat and I usually sit together. But today Cat sits on the opposite side of the room next to André. I frown as I watch her sit down. Why would she sit over there? Maybe she just wants to see the view through the window on that side today. The rest of the class I keep finding myself looking over at her, but her focus is to the front of the room. She doesn't seem as cheerful as usual. She isn't even chatting to André much. Maybe I'm thinking about her too much.  
The bell rings and we all head out to lunch. Tori, Beck and André are already at the table when I head out and slide next to André.  
"Hey Jade." André says with half a mouthful of sandwich.  
"Cat sat next to you." I say, staring at him with a stern expression.  
"Uh... yeah, she did, that was a nice surprise." André says looking slightly scared at my expression.  
"What did she say to you?" I ask.  
"Well, she didn't say much. She just asked to borrow my sharpener and after that she told me that her sharpener has a purple dolphin on it but she lost it yesterday." André replies.  
"Oh, cool." I say, looking away as Cat approaches the table. Cat sits next to Tori and immediately starts at her lunch, not making eye-contact with me or anyone for that matter. I realise that I'm quite hungry, since I haven't had anything to eat since lunch time yesterday and dig in to my burrito.  
The bell rings and I try to catch up to Cat but she slips away so fast that I have no opportunity to talk to her before class. I will just have to wait until the end of school. I must tell her no matter what. I need her to know how I really feel. Again, she sits as far away from me as possible. Her avoiding me is really getting on my nerves. I start to wonder if she is trying to make me angry or if I'm reading too much into it and it's all unintentional. After class is over the bell rings. Once again Cat rushes out, I have to push past people who, by the way are more than willing to keep out of my way.  
"Cat! wait up." I say finally reaching her.  
"I have to go." Cat says turning away.  
"I have to talk to you!" I pull her arm back, getting frustrated.  
"Jade STOP!" Cat screams, everyone turns to us in shock at Cat's volume. I let go of her arm and step back in shock myself. Cat just looks at me for a second before walking out to her car.  
It's as if she's mad at me. What did I do? Maybe she just needs to go home and relax and I will send her a message. I drive home feeling confused and disappointed. Cat is so confusing these days.  
 _Cat, why have you avoided me all day? Please let me talk to you_. I send in my message.

...

Six hours later and no reply. I walk over to my cupboard and start throwing various shoes at the wall, letting out my frustrations. I hear yelling from downstairs and decide I'd better stop before someone gets too angry. I grab my pillow and blanket and slump down onto the rug. Sometimes it feels better sleeping on the floor.

….

I wake up and for a second forget where I am but then remember I didn't sleep in my bed. I have no idea how Cat will be today. To be honest though, I think it will be better if I just leave well alone. If she doesn't want to talk to me or even acknowledge me, then fine. I don't know how long this will last but I think she just needs time. She'll come around and when she does, it will be the right time to tell her how I feel about her.  
At school Cat is the same. No eye-contact, no conversations. 

CAT POV

Yesterday was hard, I wanted to talk to Jade so badly. I don't know what she wanted to say to me but I know it's not what I want to hear. Today she isn't making any effort to come to me or talk to me. So, this is good, we will both be able to move on and eventually become best friends again without mixed feelings. I look over at her in class, she is sitting next to Tori laughing and smiling. It's rare that she is nice to Tori. I'm glad for them to be having a good time. I focus back on the front of the class but can't stop thinking about how I miss Jade. I miss her trying to talk to me. I miss talking to her, laughing with her like she just laughed with Tori. I can't talk to her though. It's still for the best. But maybe I can get her to pay attention to me again. Is that cunning? No, it's fine, it's harmless. I'll just have to come up with a plan to get her attention again. this is completely not selfish at all. Okay, I know I'm lying to myself and this is a totally self-centred, horrible thing to do, but I miss her wanting me.

JADE POV

So yesterday things were fine, I left Cat alone and she is happy, so I am happy. I wonder if today Cat will be the same or if she will start to warm to me again. I'm going to be patient though, everything will happen when it is supposed to happen. No rushing, no forcing, no anger. Just calmness and getting on with our lives in the meantime. In class Cat sits away from me again and I sit with Tori. Tori still annoys the shit out of me sometimes but I've decided that she's alright. She's always nice to me and she says funny things. Sometimes she tries to be funny but makes a lame joke which makes me laugh at her anyway. At the end of the day I walk out to my car and notice an unfamiliar car pull up. A muscular blonde guy steps out of the car and to my surprise Cat runs over to him and embraces him with a mini make out sesh. So, this must be Chad, he is real. Well shit, I thought she was just pretending. Her ignoring me is because she doesn't want to be friends with me anymore. She has clearly moved on. I look away and drive home. Will she ever actually warm up to me again? Or is this permanent? I suddenly feel a rush of sadness at the realisation that I've lost her. I've lost her as not only someone I'm in love with but as a friend too.


End file.
